But today, it seems a past era. Present generation is losing that respect. Nowadays parents have to face arguments, long discussions and even anger of a child. Why is this so? Why children’s are not respecting their parents? Why children’s are not listening to their parents? Whose fault is this, children’s or parents? How to deal with the contravene attitude of children?
Many questions must be growing in your mind, and when you feel the transformation in your child’s attitude, without delay start working to improve that. Here are some tips how parents can deal with the situation and overcome their problem.
Starting with the “search engine”, means search the root of the problem. If your child is not listening to you then think twice. Are you always listening to them properly?
A very good friend of mine Sheetal was having the same problem. Her son was giving her back answers and was not listening. When her problems grew, she thought to change her child’s behavior. After looking out, she found that before changing her son’s behavior, she needs to change herself first. Appropriate way of talking is a must. Then comes listening, listening carefully whenever you kid is trying to talk to you. Gradually after some efforts, she found the solution to the problem. She started paying more attention towards him. She spent more and more time with him. And slowly, she noticed positive developments in his behavior.
If you too, are facing problems with your kid’s behavior, then bring a change in yourself.
Whenever your child is about to say something you should give proper attention to him/her. Listening carefully is how you gather information about what is going on in your child’s life and his/her head. Your body language is very important when you are listening. If you are busy doing your work and not looking towards your kid when he/she is talking with you, then your kid will feel isolated, powerless and get annoyed.
They will look for someone else to talk to or will find another source to get busy whether it may be right or wrong. Listen to him/her carefully. Never interrupt your child when he/she is having a story to tell, may it be school, tuition’s, park, friends or television. Make the habit of paying attention to your child first. Listening is always the first step in problem solving. Remember, if you listen to your kids when they are talking, they would do the same when you speak. After all, kids learn from parents.
Making Proper Eye Contact
While talking with your kid, proper eye contact is very necessary. Your kids will know they have your attention when you look into their eyes. What they see in your eyes can be much more powerful than what you are saying. When you make eye contact with someone, you show the other person that you believe what he/she is saying is important. Making eye contact is also a social skill that leads to positive social interaction with others. If you are talking with your kid, from other room or from a distance, he/she might think that you are not interested in communicating. It’s possible for your kid to not share his/her thoughts and even form a habit of hiding things. So, whenever your child comes to you, stop all your work and give him/her the needed attention with proper eye contact.
Being polite is something you do when you are trying to make a genuine and sincere effort to be a good person. Children’s often love persons who are polite to them. They feel loved and cared by you from within. So, use low tone and avoid yelling at them. If you scream and yell to get their attention, then that’s how they will talk to you. If kids see that we get angry sometimes, but then we also calm ourselves, this is good modeling. It also shows children that the people, who love them the most, can still disapprove of their behavior. An encouraging conversation will make your child positive. And always remember to stay calm no matter what the situation arises.
Children’s these days are over sensitive. You never know what things or act might hurt them. So never use harsh words while talking to your child. Always use words like ‘please’, ‘thank you’, ‘I am proud of you’, ‘good job’, ‘what you did was awesome’ to name a few, but most importantly ‘I Love you’. Avoid saying ‘No’, ‘Do not’, ‘Stop’, ’Can’t’ all the time. There are better ways to deny, or discipline your child than saying ‘No’. Using negative words creates negativity. Instead of “Don’t say that” you can say “please choose another word”, “No you can’t have an ice-cream” can be said as “you can have ice-cream after dinner”. “No throwing balls indoors” try saying, “You can roll the ball indoors or take it outside and throw it”.
The quantity of time you spend with your kids is equally important as quality of time. Spending time doesn’t mean you have to do anything special. All it means is that you give your interest and attention to your kids. Everyone takes time to improve. And if you are having proper conversation with your child then he/she would definitely change his/her behavior. He/she may even talk freely and confidently. “It won’t happen overnight”. So, be patient and give some time to your kid.